Existential crisis

I was going through some boxes (of Bob's stuff) a couple weeks ago and found a couple of graph paper notebooks Bob had gotten from Boeing and was using to sketch out railroad related stuff. In one of them the first page contained a date Nov 11, 1989 and a list of things Bob was going to sell (unknown why). Things like die cast fire trucks, HO, and O gauge trains etc.

The second page was a personal coming to Jesus moment for Bob dated Jan, 1990.

It reads (formatting, spelling and punctuation are as he wrote them):

  I AM BORED WITH LIFE! I HAVE REACHED THE POINT WHERE ANY THING I DO IS "OH HUM". I CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT! BUT THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER LIFE THAN GOING TO WORK, COMING HOME AND GOING TO SLEEP. BUT WHAT???

     BUILDING AND OPERATING A RAILROAD IS FUN, BUT HOW CAN I BUILD ONE BIG ENOUGH TO SATISFY MY INTEREST AND NOT SPEND A FORTUNE ON A HOUSE, THAT I DON'T NEED OR WANT.

OWNING A FIRE ENGINE CAN BE FUN, BUT WHERE DO I KEEP IT.

        I BELIEVE I HAVE REACHED THE POINT WHERE I HAVE MONEY AND NO REAL REASON OR PURPOSE TO SPEND IT.

    SURE WOULD LIKE A JOB WITH CHALLENGE, ARE AT LEAST ONE THAT WAS A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING. THE FEW JOBS THAT HELD MY INTEREST WERE AT GENRAD, MARCONTI AND LAB DESIGN AT GARRETT-TEMPE. I DON'T MIND WORKING FOR A LIVING-I RESENT MY EXPERTICE NOT BEING USED OR APPLIED. OR RECOGNIZED!!!

I WONDER WHERE MY LIFE IS GOING?? IT SURE IS ALONE! I GO TO WORK ALONE, I WORK ALONE, I COME HOME ALONE, I THINK ALONE, I PLAY ALONE, I CRY ALONE AND IT GOES ON FROM THERE!! NO ONE CARES. I DON'T THINK NO ONE EVEN KNOWS

   I LOVE Jxxxx, BUT YOU CAN'T GET CLOSE TO HER. WHY, WHY, WHY?
HOW DO YOU GET CLOSE TO Jxxxx AND LOVE HER WHEN SHE HASEN'T BEEN TAUGH HOW TO LOVE, HER SELF<--DOUBLE MEANING!

        I MADE ONE BIG MISTAKE WITH Jxxxx. I HAVE SPOILED HER, AND ALWAYS PUT HER FIRST. THIS WILL HAVE TO CHANGE ARE THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER!

There follows 2 pages of 19 things that Jxxxx needs to change, then:

WE COULD RENT A LARGER APT UP HERE. IF YOU WERE WILLING TO WORK AND SELL THE HOUSE IN PHX. -NO KIDS. OR RENT A TWO BED ROOM APT WITH A GARAGE RAILROAD GOES IN THE GARAGE.